Imposter Syndrome: Busting Myths
Dispelling 3 unhelpful myths for women about imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is that horrible feeling that despite all the success you've achieved and the life that you have, that you don't deserve it, that you're a fraud, and at any moment you might get found out and lose everything.
Having supported thousands of women over the last 20 years to believe in themselves and their potential, imposter syndrome is definitely a 'thing' and not just a made-up problem. Research backs this up, indicating that highfliers as well as those from ethnic or religious minorities are more likely to suffer from it, as well as women being more likely to experience feeling like an imposter than men.
One of the biggest myth that I come across is the idea that it's only women that get it and men don't. This is categorically untrue! Men do struggle at times with this too. However, men are much less likely to talk about it, to own up to feeling this way, or to seek help for it. A while back I posted on Facebook asking for men only to share their stories of feeling like an imposter and the response was huge. Many men shared that they had felt like an imposter in the workplace, and when dating, and that with talking about their 'feelings' being out of their comfort zone in general, that they felt they had to keep quiet about it. Fear of being judged negatively is a big barrier in speaking up for men even more than for women, and the impact this might have on how others view them.
The second myth I want to dispel is that it is purely a mindset issue. 'Stop thinking those negative thoughts, think positively about yourself, just stop feeling this way and be confident'. Firstly, mindset shifts aren't always quite that simple. And secondly, this places all the blame on the individual and ignores all cultural and systemic factors. A raft of factors from the gender pay gap, to the overwhelming bias to women's negative feedback on communication style vs men, negative gender stereotypes, power structures in corporates and politically, the media, diet culture and so on, are all stacked against women from the outset. The efforts to make change have to stop being hyper fixated on fixing women and elevate above this to the bigger picture.
Both Laura Bate's excellent book 'Fix the system, not the women' and the workshop I give called 'Women & The Self-Worth Crisis: a call to action' go into all of the cultural and systemic factors in detail, highlighting where the real change is needed.
The third myth that needs to be cut loose is the idea that imposter syndrome is actually a good thing because it makes sure people don't get too big for their boots (oppressive misogyny, anyone?), and keeps you working really hard to prove yourself. Who does this actually benefit? Not the individual, that's for sure. The individual takes on too much, never says no, puts their own needs on the back burner in a desperate attempt to perform their way to approval and validation. Even if they achieve these things, they still don't feel any better on the inside and can end up unwell or burnt out. Plus, they do not win respect from others, they are seen as an eager to please doormat to be walked all over. No one wins apart from the profit-making machine...
How has this shifted your thinking on imposter syndrome? Comment below.
Next steps: To book a powerfully transformative coaching program to support you with your confidence or having me speak at your organisation: https://bit.ly/HWCconsultation
